Gruel Recipes for the Infirm

Everyone knows that the best remedy for moderate in-home ills is gruel. An incredibly diverse food, knowing how to thriftily craft a few different gruels can also be handy if and when a certain whisky drinking husband has "accidentally" misplaced the children's lunch money whilst placing his fortnightly order of liquor growlers.

By far the most popular gruel (and tastiest, some would argue) uses pickled sweetbreads and alfalfa flour often combined with a fatty base, allowed to congeal, and eaten on a stick.

Healthful choice: a streetside gruel vendor

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Medicated PEAS Porridge (hot or cold)

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Unlike familiar pea porridges, this recipe does not actually use peas, but is a formula for a fail-safe and healthful gruel that can be made with common household herbs and chemicals found in any proper medicine hamper.

Simply select one each whose name corresponds with PEAS and mix into a pan of soaked and fermented oats, like so:

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P: pennyroyal, phosphorus (granulated), powdered ipecac, etc.

E: extract of quassia, ether, emetic agent, etc.

A: antifungals, ash powder, acetone, etc.

S: sugar of milk, strychnin sulphate, spartein, etc.

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For example, a popular mix for babies combines paraffin oil, egg powder, alkaline, and sour milk. Serve with a ramekin of Adler's Laudanum Soothing Syrup on the side for a complete worry-free morning meal.

Schoolhouse gruel tastings are always popular

Other well-loved gruels can be made with a base of sprouted rye soaked in camphor, then rinsed and mixed with sulfides and other desired ingredients.