Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Why are Babies so Lazy?

Everyone knows that babies are the laziest people on earth. They are even lazier than astronauts, people in comas and Presidents.

What you may not know is why. Why are babies so lazy?

After much study, I have come upon four primary reasons:

1. We let them. When a doting parent responds to a baby's cry they are reinforcing their child's belief that if they lay there and scream, others will do their bidding. Thus, this kind of laziness is a learned behavior. Instead, parents should empower their infants with a sense of self-sufficiency and insist that they change their own diapers and scavenge their own dinner from nearby fields.

2. Niacin deficiency. Niacin is a very important vitamin, the deficiency of which can quickly lead to extremely low levels of niacin in the body.

A child with extreme niacin deficiency

3. Labor laws.

4. They are very tired. Perhaps it is early onset narcolepsy, or simple nervous exhaustion (from all that screaming), but roughly 45% of babies surveyed responded that they were lazy because they were "very, very tired."

1 comment:

  1. Babies are indeed lazy. This has been a problem for a very, very long time. Your reasons sound like the excuses I hear from babies every day. This is what I tell them in response to those excuses:

    1. This actually is more a point addressed to the parent. Simply stop letting them slack off. Assign them a household task as you do with your husband and grandmother. Folding linens, giving the cat its summer haircut, and resoling work boots are all good beginner tasks to give to babies.

    2. You don't have niacin? Pshaw. If your mother has failed to provide you some, then I guess we know where you inherited your laziness from. See point number 3 and go get your own niacin when you've got a job.

    3. Labor laws haven't stopped anyone from working under the table. In fact, this makes an excellent job for babies as they easily fit under tables and can reach dirt that the hoover can't.

    4. It has been proven that a half-hour of daily calisthenics increases one's energy. So does niacin, which we've already addressed how to obtain.