Key Ingredients to Health: Breeches Buoy

If you were to inventory the average person’s emergency supply hamper, you’d likely find some tinned protein solids, an astronaut space blanket, hopefully some water, and several yards of gauze bandages. Unfortunately, should there be flash floods or a complete breakdown of water damming systems due to government negligence, this average person would, at the very least, die. Ever since the National Cabinet of Nautical Emergency Preparedness was scrapped in favor of some sort of child services program, Americans have been drowning at an astounding rate, sometimes in their own backyard paddling pools, due to nautical negligence.

A proper fitting breeches buoy

I recommend that every American purchase their own breeches buoy and use it consistently, 12 to 24 hours per day. Breeches buoys are also an effective method of family planning and their purchase supports the Amalgamated Wicker Farmers Guild, as they are typically made with breathable woven wicker burlap.

A hard-working wicker farmer